“For within living structures defined by profit, by linear power, by institutional dehumanization, our feelings were not meant to survive. Kept around as unavoidable adjuncts or pleasant pastimes, feelings were expected to kneel to thought as women were expected to kneel to men.”
Audre Lorde, The Master's Tools Will Never Dismantle the Master's House
If I can be allowed the stereotype of one gender-based generalization from my experience as a therapist, it’s this: men think feelings are stupid. There’s not a more nuanced way of saying it; there are millions of adult men out there who firmly believe that emotion is the enemy of reason, and that the two cannot co-exist peacefully. And although I encounter these beliefs mostly in male-identifying clients, there are also quite a few women who have told me that they’re afraid of becoming too “emotional” during an argument for fear of being dismissed as somehow intellectually compromised or immature. I think that a lot of what we believe about emotions and reason comes from how our society views and treats men and women. And following that logic, I believe that the “cure” for this kind of skewed and fragmented approach to life lies in eradicating the societal biases we hold about sex and gender.
The Virgin Mary is a common symbol of the Anima in the public consciousness - Artist Unknown
When I talk about sex and gender and how societal norms affect the psychology of the average human being, I am going to make reference to the Jungian concepts of the Anima and Animus. Essentially, Carl Jung theorized that the Anima is the “dormant” or unconscious feminine aspect of the person who identifies as male, and that the Animus is the unconscious male aspect of those who identify as female. The gist is that if an individual is societally conditioned to act within the boundaries of their gender role (as tough, cold, unfeeling, insensitive, boisterous, and aggressive) then they are repressing all the parts of themselves that act contrary to those rules (the parts that are sensitive, nurturing, kind, emotionally expressive and peaceful). Strangely enough, when the anima appears in the dreams, visions, or projected fantasies of the man’s conscious mind, she is intuited to be his missing half, and takes on a savior-like quality in her potential to nurture and “complete” the man’s conscious life. This is where our patriarchal and heteronormative society gets story elements and archetypes like the Muses or the more recent “manic pixie dream girl.” Similarly, many women are told in implicit and explicit ways that they need the “strength” and “leadership” of a man in order to be complete. The other side always has access to what we ourselves so sorely lack.
To clarify, there is a good argument that Jung’s conception of the Anima and Animus is either invalid or at least less valid than it was seen to be in the past due to the emergence of gender theory. Jung was a man of his time and likely never questioned the underpinnings of what his society presented as male and female. He also likely had little experience working with transgender or non-binary issues in any meaningful or productive way. That being said, I believe that these ideas still have value in our society if not taken too rigidly. The existence of a “feminine” and “masculine” archetype does not mean that gender must be binary or that non-conforming gender identities are invalid. I see the Anima and the Animus as culturally influenced images linked to but not inherently bound by biological sex, and in speaking to a society that is steeped in binary gender values, it can be useful to use language that addresses the sometimes confining realities it imposes on its members. Psychological realities are myriad, and are not the same as materialist or scientific realities. I believe there is room for the Anima and Animus in the world as well as additional archetypes representing gender identifications that the West has not consciously or responsibly dealt with in its history.
So regardless of whether the Anima and Animus must be tied to biological sex or identified gender, we do see stunted and distorted versions of the Anima in our male-dominated society. Due to the lack of awareness and acceptance (largely by men) of characteristics of humanity deemed “feminine,” the public consciousness of the height of femininity becomes tired to some very problematic ideas. An example of this is the aforementioned “manic pixie dream girl,” an identified trope in romance movies an TV shows in which the lead male’s love interest is portrayed as aggressively quirky and emotionally unstable. This trope has been criticized by feminist sources for its portrayal of women as one-sided, emotionally turbulent, and objects of romantic desire rather than fully human beings. Many heterosexual men often expect women to act in accordance with their view of what a woman “should” act like dictated by society. This not only leads to sexist oppression but discord within the man himself who cannot see the fullness of his own “feminine” side. So in addressing the inner turmoil, we may go a long way toward eliminating the outward prejudice.
The face of the goddess Diana - fragmentary artifact found in Bath, England.
Our society has been so steeped in traditionally masculine mores to the extent that it may be said to be out of balance. Nationalism, authoritarianism, hostile international foreign policy, high rates of incarceration, and a society often hostile to those it may deem as “weak” are all symptoms of characteristics we often label as masculine. In order to treat this, America has to forge a new relationship with its Anima. This is already changing in growing representation of women in places of power and the disappearance of discriminatory legislation, but the struggle is far from over. I hope that growing acceptance of psychotherapy as a healthy practice leads to a wider realization in this country that emotional vulnerability can be the source of great wisdom and strength.