This is what it takes. You've exhausted all of your options. You've run out of plans and backup plans. You've burned every bridge. There's nothing left to do but ask for help. It's a bleak place to inhabit, and our society has made “desperation” into a dirty word, but is it really a failure? We're told from birth that our value hinges on our utility to society; that we're only “worth it” if we can be productive, attractive, and self-sufficient. But when you've come to the realization that no matter how smart or “strong” you are that it's still not possible for you to control the elements of your life, it's hard not to see this as a failure.
The fact is, you've been lied to. You've been told that it's up to you to handle your own affairs, to not express things that could upset those around you, and to suffer in silence. You've been told that it is possible to control the world around you, but only if you work hard at it. This is a lie. It's a lie that we as Americans are slow to wake up to, and it's a lie that has caused untold damage to untold human beings. What you may see as failure is really just you getting sick of pretending to believe this lie. Desperation is the point at which the delusion of self-control ends and the reality of self-acceptance begins.
Oftentimes this kind of narrative plays itself out with substance abuse or addiction, but it's just as relevant to mental health struggles or even dysfunctional relationships. You think you're running out of motivation to go on but you've only just realized that you're trying to win a rigged game. This is where help comes in. I see people when they hit this rock bottom, and I often see the most desperate cases go on to make the most improvement in their lives. Why? Because desperation is fuel for truly and radically changing your life. Desperation is the crack in your armor that lets the light in. It's the moment at which you stop trying to fake things or control your emotions or please others or tell yourself that everything's okay. It's the moment where the real work can happen. It's my privilege as a therapist to be able to help you undertake that work, and it's a job that I find continuously fascinating and fulfilling. If you think you've reached this point of desperation, try asking for help. It could be the beginning of something wonderful.
